Quite moody today. I never really enjoy going out on sat nite, or shud I say, I hate it! I enjoy being at home on weekends. Weird? Friend's bday 2day, very hard to reject her invitation, since she's one of my close friends. I just don enjoy myself at all. Going out on sat nite = going out on weekends and why do I hate it? Well, it’s like being in a very complicated world or on the other hand 'A Masquerade Ball'. Fakers, pretenders, liars and others. Scary!!!!
Life should not be a masquerade ball. So many of us are masking our shame, tucking our sins under our outer layers of sunshiney perfection. We never knw what pain was tucked away beneath each smile. When I am at the Birthday Party, I had this picture of all of us walking around with these beautiful full-body masks, pretending to be good, hiding our sins, pushing deep our shame. I pictured beneath these masks, written all over us were words like “sadness,”
"unfaithfulness,” “addiction,” “depression,” “selfishness,”
"impatience,” “hatred,” “anger,” “jealousy” and others.
And then I pictured each of us walking around, looking at each other’s masks and thinking, “Wow, she is so beautiful! She/He has everything under control. She/He has a fabulous relationship, caring bf/gf, gorgeous clothes, good income, perfect body, and others. I bet she/he has a perfect life. I bet she/he never loses it all like I do. I bet she/he has never done anything half as bad as what I have done. She’s/He’s better than I am.” And while one of us is thinking that about someone, someone else is thinking that EXACT thing about us! Because they don’t see the truth, they see the masks, others meticulously put on before they leave their homes.
I wish we could be real with each other. I wish these women/men didn’t feel the need to pretend. My heart is broken that they may have looked at me and felt worse about themselves. Because I know how broken I am! I know my own heart, my own sins, my own shortcomings, my own shame. I am not perfect! No one’s perfect! I do not have it all together. I think I am really a weirdo or maybe cos m too tired.
Everyone wears a mask. It's an undeniable fact of life. Sometimes it is bcos we’re trying to protect ourselves, or don wanna make others worry bout us and etc. I must admit that sometimes I wear one too, for example, m sad, but when I am in front of my mom, I’ll put on a mask, I’ll smile happily so that she’ll nt be worry about me. Another example, m feeling extremely not ok 2nite, when ‘A’ (nt sure can mention his name bo, later gt bla bla bla again, hehe!) asked me “Are you sad?” I answered “No, I am not!” Cos I knw he’s bsy and don wanna make him worry. And sometimes, I put on a mask so that others wont knw how stupid and useless i am.
Therefore, I always enjoy myself to the max, when I am with my friends. I can be myself, when I am with them, I don hv 2 wear any mask 2 hide myself, my feeling and others. No matter wat, I do believe that, as long as we’re happy, that’s all that really matters. I am trying my best. I try not to wear any mask. Smile, Laugh, Cry and Sad, whenever i want.
And then I pictured each of us walking around, looking at each other’s masks and thinking, “Wow, she is so beautiful! She/He has everything under control. She/He has a fabulous relationship, caring bf/gf, gorgeous clothes, good income, perfect body, and others. I bet she/he has a perfect life. I bet she/he never loses it all like I do. I bet she/he has never done anything half as bad as what I have done. She’s/He’s better than I am.” And while one of us is thinking that about someone, someone else is thinking that EXACT thing about us! Because they don’t see the truth, they see the masks, others meticulously put on before they leave their homes.
I wish we could be real with each other. I wish these women/men didn’t feel the need to pretend. My heart is broken that they may have looked at me and felt worse about themselves. Because I know how broken I am! I know my own heart, my own sins, my own shortcomings, my own shame. I am not perfect! No one’s perfect! I do not have it all together. I think I am really a weirdo or maybe cos m too tired.
Everyone wears a mask. It's an undeniable fact of life. Sometimes it is bcos we’re trying to protect ourselves, or don wanna make others worry bout us and etc. I must admit that sometimes I wear one too, for example, m sad, but when I am in front of my mom, I’ll put on a mask, I’ll smile happily so that she’ll nt be worry about me. Another example, m feeling extremely not ok 2nite, when ‘A’ (nt sure can mention his name bo, later gt bla bla bla again, hehe!) asked me “Are you sad?” I answered “No, I am not!” Cos I knw he’s bsy and don wanna make him worry. And sometimes, I put on a mask so that others wont knw how stupid and useless i am.
Therefore, I always enjoy myself to the max, when I am with my friends. I can be myself, when I am with them, I don hv 2 wear any mask 2 hide myself, my feeling and others. No matter wat, I do believe that, as long as we’re happy, that’s all that really matters. I am trying my best. I try not to wear any mask. Smile, Laugh, Cry and Sad, whenever i want.
*P/S – No offence k…..m just bla..bla..bla-ing here 2 express myself, my sadness, my tiredness, my incompleteness….hehe….if I am 2 harsh or 2 rude then I am Sorry! but that's me without any mask.
0 comments:
Post a Comment